A word from the wise: Giving the parent’s speech

State Rep. Rick Kriseman shown speaking on the House floor says he was more nervous before delivering a speech to his daughter, Jordan, at her Bat Mitzvah. Often the most difficult part of writing the Bar or Bat Mitzvah speech is knowing where to start.

More and more, it is not just the child facing that blank Word document, but also the parents who are called upon to share their thoughts on their son or daughter’s special day.

One of those fathers who gave such a speech is someone who is no stranger to public speaking: Rick Kriseman, a state representative from St. Petersburg.

But even his history of speech making couldn’t prepare him for the emotional task of conveying his feelings to his daughter, Jordan, at her Oct. 2, 2010 Bat Mitzvah at Temple Beth-El in St. Petersburg.

In comparison to his normal speeches, Kriseman laughed that the parent’s speech was totally different. “It was much more difficult. When it’s your heart that’s speaking, it’s a lot harder,” Kriseman said.

Instead of giving a shared speech, Kriseman and his wife, Kerry, delivered separate speeches penned independently of each other. Because they each have different relationships with their daughter, said Kriseman, they wanted to express how they each felt.

If you are having trouble with the speech, it may be easier to compose if you are writing just your own feelings to your child, not the joint effort of each parent, he said.

But parents be forewarned: no amount of preparation and rehearsal can prepare one for the wave of emotion experienced on the bimah.

“I was considerably more nervous than I normally am,” Kriseman said. “I was much more nervous speaking to [Jordan] and to all of our friends and family than when I’m giving a speech on the floor of the House. It’s significantly more personal and I get real emotional.”

Kriseman worried that he would be emotionally overcome during his speech. “It was a considerable concern for me,” he said. “I’m thankful it didn’t happen.” Though crying usually cannot be helped and is certainly nothing to be ashamed of, confidence and relaxation comes from preparation and being well rehearsed. Experts advise not to wait until the last minute to write the speech, whether it’s the parents’ speech or the Bar/Bat Mitzvah teens themselves.

There are many ways to structure the speech. One timetested approach for parents is to begin in the present, then recount the journey your child has made up until this point, then come back to the present and finish with some words about the future.

Kriseman’s advice is to avoid writing what you think people want to hear. “Don’t write what you think you ought to say,” he said, “just let it come straight from your heart. If you let it come from your heart, it’s the right thing no matter what you do.”

Overall, experts advise parents to be careful not to let heartfelt praises turn into sentimental gushing, and it is good to be brief and to the point, as to not lose the congregation’s attention.

Kriseman’s speech was between two and three minutes long and blended humor with seriousness. “I always try to use humor when I can,” Kriseman said.

Veterans note anecdotes are also good because they give insights about the family and the child.

More and more temples and synagogues are giving parents the opportunity for parental speeches and/or parental blessings. Like everything in the Bar or Bat Mitzvah, the choice is the parents’ — and the synagogue’s or rabbi’s. It depends on each family’s preferences and synagogue practices/ traditions.

Above all, the parental speeches all have something in common: They convey the parents’ pride in their child for reaching such an important milestone.