Days of Awe inspire reflection

As preparations for the beginning of the New Year and the Day of Atonement nears, Jews everywhere mentally prepare for the 10 Days of Awe, whether its planning the holiday meals, joining a synagogue or pondering the year gone by to improve themselves in the year ahead.

A sampling of Tampa Bay area Jews shows a varied approach to preparing for the holidays.

Elaine Viders of Congregation Rodeph Sholom in Tampa said Rosh HaShana and Yom Kippur do make a difference in the way she looks at the coming year. She said she admires her late twin sister who always called her and their older sister to apologize for anything she had said or done to offend either during the past year.

“I think she behaved as a better person than I did,” said Viders.

Viders said she gives serious thought to her relationships at holiday time as well, but has her own way of reaching out to others. “I call friends and family members, especially if there’s been any kind of an issue,” she said. “I just tell them I am thinking of them and want to wish them a Happy New Year.”

Elaine Viders, holding her grandson Michael, calls friends and family to wish them well every holiday season. She said she also goes through her address book, searching for names of friends or cousins she hasn’t spoken to in a long time.

“The New Year gives you a new perspective,” she said. “You never forget what someone has said or done, but you can forgive.”

Arlene Rosenthal, a native of St. Petersburg who now lives in Oldsmar and attends Congregation Beth Tikvah in Palm Harbor, said she reflects the most seriously on human behavior during the Al Het, or confessional prayer on Yom Kippur.

“As we read the list of sins in the Al Het,” she said, “I realize that someone has committed each one of them.”

Joyce Whitman Tawil with her uncle and aunt, Irv and Florence Whitman in 2009. Uncle Irv started the High Holiday tradition Joyce will carry on. Rosenthal said she asks God to forgive not only herself, but anyone who has done wrong.

“Some people have done terrible things in their lifetimes,” she said. “If they don’t ask for forgiveness themselves we ask God to please forgive them.”

Elian Bar Av of Congregation Beth Shalom in Clearwater spoke of the “personal preparation” he undergoes prior to the holidays. Bar Av, a native of Johannesburg, South Africa, immigrated to Israel as a young man in response to the Six Day War in 1967. Following an industrial accident he had in 1971 while living on a kibbutz, Bar Av landed in the hospital where he met Batya Diamant, a nurse from New York living in Israel, whom he later married.

Cathy Gardner uses silence to reflect. “I was a three time a year Jew until I married Batya,” he said. “My in-laws showed me that one can be both religious and actively involved in the world,” he said.

After moving to the U.S., Bar Av became more observant. For him, the High Holy Days usher in a time of greater introspection.

“I look at the context of being in a new year,” said Bar Av. “I go through the siddur (prayer book) to see how to live my religion better.”

In the past, he said, he tried contacting family members by e-mail to resolve unsettled issues, but the efforts were not always successful.

“Now I look at myself to see how I can improve my own attitude,” he said.

In Tampa, Joyce Whitman Tawil of Congregation Rodeph Sholom said she has been inspired by a 92-year old uncle, Irv Whitman, in Maryland, who follows a tradition his late father-in-law brought with him from Eastern Europe.

Her uncle, she said, e-mails, writes or calls all extended family members asking them for news, events and milestones of the past year. He also wants to know a goal or two that each is attempting to meet during the coming year.

“He assembles all these facts into a letter which he reads from the head of the table to his family and guests prior to Yom Kippur,” she said. “I am hoping to start that tradition in our own home here in Tampa.”

Tampa native Cathy Gardner, marketing and development director for Gulf Coast Jewish Family Services, has gone a step further by observing what is called “essential silence” during a 27-hour Yom Kippur retreat sponsored by Congregation Or Ahavah in Tampa.

“It is a continuous reflection on Yom Kippur,” Gardner said of the retreat. “The setting contributes to the mood, making for a peaceful experience.”

One aspect of the experience Gardner said she par ticularly appreciates is that participants are given the option of remaining silent for the entire time except during services. Those choosing to do so wear a button that reads: “Essential Silence” so others know to respect their decision.

Not having to talk to anyone and make casual conversation helps the individual connect to what is most meaningful to him or her, Gardner said.

It is not until the break-the-fast that normal banter resumes.

Gardner said she brings the same book to read during the retreat every year, A Book of Jewish Values: A Day-By-Day Guide to Ethical Living by Rabbi Joseph Telushkin with a reflective thought for each day of the year.

“The retreat takes the participant to a completely different level,” Gardner said. “It is my connection to the holiday and to Judaism.”